


Last Resort

by violet_baudelaire



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 1D Angst Meme, Angst, Cutting, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, OT5, POV Male Character, Prompt Fill, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-04
Updated: 2014-09-04
Packaged: 2018-02-16 02:09:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2251905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violet_baudelaire/pseuds/violet_baudelaire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a fill for an anonymous prompt over at 1D Angst Meme. The prompt goes as follows:</p><p>Louis finds Liam searching for bandages because he cut himself while cooking. He brushes it off, because Liam can be clumsy sometimes.</p><p>Niall finds Liam cleaning up the shards of a broken mirror that fell and shattered. He doesn't notice Liam's scratched and red hand.</p><p>Zayn finds Liam with a pale face, shaking hands, and a long sleeved shirt on. He believes Liam when he says he had a nightmare, and doesn't see the red razor hanging up in the shower.</p><p>(They never question why Liam likes keeping his shirt on during sex. He says he likes the contrast of textures.)</p><p>Harry doesn't find Liam when he enters his apartment, until he goes into the bathroom and finds Liam curled in a ball, crying and painted in red. He doesn't know what to do.</p><p>The other three find two of their lovers sitting on the once-white tiles, and have to figure out how to pick up the pieces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Last Resort

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt can be found here:  
> [1D Angst Meme](http://1dangstmeme.livejournal.com/996.html?thread=269796#t269796)
> 
> There is already a wonderful fill for this prompt there as well :)

**A/N: This is a fill for a beautiful, sad prompt over at 1D angst meme. There was an amazing fill already written for this prompt. I could not resist adding another. I did not follow the prompt exactly, but there are not many changes. Also, I suck at portraying the OT5 relationship.**

**DISCLAIMER: This is purely a work of fiction. All recognizable characters are merely fictional interpretations of their own true amazing selves. I own nothing and no one, apart from the plot of the story.**

**WARNINGS: Self-harm, sad/depressed Liam, frequent mentions of cutting and blood....**

_Cut my life into pieces. This is my last resort... Last Resort – Papa Roach_

It was hard to know when it all started. Harry wonders how they could have all missed the signs that their beautiful Liam was cutting. How things got to such a point that Harry had come home to an empty apartment – Niall, Zayn and Louis were on a group date – and he had discovered Liam in the bathroom. His boyfriend had been curled up on the floor, arms streaked with a flurry of cuts that bled freely, the crimson liquid making a stark contrast to the sterile whiteness of the tiles of the floor. Liam was crying so hard that his eyes were red rimmed, tear tracks running down his face. Harry had been frozen by the awful sight, his insides gripped by a relentless panic that only eases when he was kneeling on the floor besides Liam and had his lover held securely in his arms. Harry has no idea what to say, he has no idea what to do. He does not want to leave Liam alone for even a moment, scared of what his lover could do if left on his own. So Harry is thankful there is a first aid kit stashed in the mirror fronted medicine cabinet, a first aid kit that Liam had insisted they have. Harry is not a medical professional, but he does the best he can. To his relief, he finds that he is able to stop the cuts from bleeding. They had not been deep, but there had been a lot of cuts. Liam weakly struggles with Harry, fighting to not have his cuts bandaged up, and screams at Harry that he hates him. That he can’t stand to be around Harry or their other lovers anymore. Harry knows Liam does not mean it, but that does not make it hurt any less. He just holds Liam close, until Liam falls limp in his arms and whispers that he is sorry for everything, and that he would be better off dead. Harry is horrified to hear one of his boyfriends talk in such a morbid way. He does not mean to snap at Liam, knows he should tread gently with his boyfriend in such a fragile state, but he cannot just sit there quietly and let Liam talk about himself like that. So he tells Liam off, and says how lost Harry and the others would be without Liam in their lives. Harry tries not to sound harsh as he scolds Liam but he knows he is probably failing miserably. And that is how the others find them.

It’s Niall who comes into the bathroom first, and his face drains of colour when he sees them. His entire face crumples, and Harry can see he is fighting back tears. It does not take long however, before he allows the tears to spill. He is trembling as he just stands there, wide eyes glued onto them.

Zayn enters next, quietly taking in the traumatising sight in front of him. He is not as sensitive as Niall, and does not cry, but Harry can tell that he is feeling the pain just as much as they are. His expression turns solemn and he is not quite able to hide the anxiety in his eyes.

When Louis appears in the doorway of the bathroom, there is a smile on his face. The smile vanishes when he steps past Zayn, who is holding Niall, and sees Liam on the floor with Harry. He is not sure what frightens him the most, the blood stained bandages wrapped around Liam’s arms or Liam’s impassive expression. Louis finally picks up the courage to ask what happened, when the silence becomes so tense he cannot stand it anymore.

Harry does not know how to reply, and is overcome with a feeling of guilt although he had no clue anything was wrong with Liam. Zayn suggests that they take Liam out of the bathroom, and everyone agrees with him. Harry and Louis gently pick up Liam and take him away from the bathroom. They only put Liam down when he is in the bedroom, and he seems exhausted. It is not long before he slips into sleep. Harry stays at the side of the bed, watching over Liam. He thinks back to the last time he and Liam were on the bed. They had been with Zayn, and ended up having a long, fun filled, sleepless night together. It had been a hot night, and the open window had only graced them with a mild breeze. Yet still Liam had insisted on keeping his shirt on, as he had done for the past few months. Liam had explained he just liked the way the fabric of his shirts felt against his body, when he got intimate with his lovers. And Harry had accepted Liam’s explanation, as had everyone else in the relationship. Harry had thought maybe Liam was just shy, and that in time he would get over it. He wished he had challenged Liam about it. Perhaps if they had found out sooner it would not have gotten so bad for Liam.

Louis is standing next to Harry, holding his hand as they both silently comfort each other. Harry does not know what Louis is thinking as he stares at Liam. He has no idea that Louis is thinking about the time he came across Liam in the kitchen. His boyfriend had been holding a knife in one hand, and a small trickle of blood came from a cut hidden under his sweater. Liam had been rummaging around inside a junk drawer. When Liam saw Louis, he had seemed taken aback before a look of embarrassment overtook his face. Then Liam had laughed off his cut, dismissed it as a silly accident. He had said his hand slipped while he was cutting vegetables for dinner. He told Louis he had been searching for plasters to put over his cut. Louis had believed him, since his boyfriend had the adorable tendency of being clumsy at times. And now he brooded over what exactly happened to Liam to make him want to harm himself. He tried to think of what it could be, but he had no idea what it could possibly be. He loved Liam, loved all his boyfriends, and he had thought Liam was happy. He felt so bad that he been blind to what Liam had been suffering alone.

Zayn appears and announces in a hushed tone that Niall would be coming along shortly. It turns out that he and Niall had been mopping up the bathroom floor. Harry knows Niall would not be coping well with this situation. So Zayn had given him a task to give him time to come to terms with what had happened, and to distract him, at least for a short while. Zayn takes his place next to Harry and takes hold of his free hand, entwining their fingers. Harry is not a mind reader, so he does not know that Zayn is blaming himself for the fact that Liam is in such a bad state. Zayn remembered the morning when he had sleepily stumbled out of bed, having an urgent need to relieve himself. He had hurried to the bathroom, and had bumped straight into Liam. Liam was in his pyjamas, and his face had an unhealthy pallor. His body was trembling and his hands had been shaking. He had a haunted look on his face. Zayn had rested a hand on Liam’s shoulder and asked him what was wrong. Liam had told Zayn he had just had a nightmare. Zayn had been so concerned about consoling his boyfriend, he had not even thought about the razor blade that had been sitting on a shelf in the shower compartment. The razor blade that had been streaked with drying blood. Zayn was usually very observant, and the fact that seeing the razor had failed to make him suspicious made him mad. He made a silent vow that he would help Liam get better, however long it took. And he knew he would not be alone. Liam would always have love and support from all of his boyfriends, and nothing would ever change that.

Niall peeks around the door, before he cautiously comes into the room. Louis stretches out his free hand, offering it to Niall, who feels marginally better when he is holding Louis’s hand. It soothes Niall, to be so close to his boyfriends. Their presence made him stay strong, helped him to not break down in tears again. Harry is glad that Niall is calm now, although he looks pensive. Harry does not know that Niall is contemplating Liam, and all the times his kind boyfriend had taken care of him. Liam had always seemed to be so composed, it was hard to imagine how he had become like this. It hurt Niall badly to see his kind boyfriend suffering so much. His mind flashes back to the time when he had seen Liam picking up the shards of a mirror that had previously hung in their hallway. Liam had apologized straight away, and Niall had been quick to assure him that the broken mirror did not matter and that it would be easily replaced. Niall had been worried when he saw Liam’s hand had been scratched by the glass, a vivid thin line of red running across his palm. He had assumed it was an accidental cut, and had shooed Liam away from the area before finding a dustpan and brush to dispose of the broken mirror safely. He felt like he had failed Liam in some way, but he was determined that he would be there for Liam. Now it would be his turn to take care of Liam, and Niall would put all his energy into doing so.

The four of them now stand by Liam’s bedside, linked by their hands, by their love, by their devotion to each other and Liam. And although Harry still wonders how they missed the signs, he feels certain that together they will all be able to get through to Liam. That Liam will eventually open up and tell them what drove him to cut in the first place. He hopes that, in time, Liam will recover and get better. Harry wants things to go back to the way they were, but he is certain that will never happen. Their relationship would be altered in some ways, but their bond of love and friendship would always stay the same. Harry is optimistic about Liam’s future, although he knows that while Liam’s cuts will heal, the scars will always remain.

**Thanks for reading :)**


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